Monday, April 8, 2013

Here I am . . .

First off, let me apologize for not writing more often. I didn't realize that my blog meant that much until people started asking me for an update! I'm flattered and now feel a little more pressure to keep it up! So, here I am, finally!

I've been trying to figure out what has kept me away from the blog for so many weeks, but I can't put my finger on it. My mind feels so full of thoughts, hopes, dreams, and fears as we wait for our baby boys to arrive. I don't think I could land on one thing to talk about so I just didn't write anything. Even now, I'm not sure what to say, so please forgive the rambling. :)

be willing to believe in miracles!

I know most of you just want to know how the pregnancy is going, and we could't be more grateful for what has been an uneventful, twin pregnancy. This week we are 30 weeks along! Our boys have been flipping around inside Cathy's belly for weeks, so we hope they settle head-down before delivery. If they don't, we could be looking at a c-section. Lots of people ask me if our carrier has children of her own. Yes, she has three. An eleven year old and seven year old twins. So, she and I both have done the twin thing before and neither of us has had to have a cesarean. We really hope that doesn't change! We have also worried about pre-term labor as this is very common with twins, and our carrier in particular, but there have been no indicators of any labor happening any time soon! (This, I believe, is a gift from God! Please keep the prayers coming, we REALLY want to take these boys home with little to no NICU time.)

happy easter!

While we wait for these little miracles to arrive, we have been super busy nesting and trying to enjoy our last days with just Charlie and Sofie. We had a really nice Easter. I've been singing with the band at church and I just love it! It's seriously a bucket list kind of thing for me. (Although my dream was to sing backup for James Taylor, I'll take this instead!) I'm also busy decorating the baby's room. It's been a challenge to get started with this. Decorating means it's really happening. Decorating means that if things don't work out, I will have to undo what I did. This was one of the worst things about Mila's death. I had planned, organized, and decorated for this little girl, and she never came home. So, this time we have bought very little. We got car seats this weekend and I bought a changing table from Craigslist that I painted a sunny yellow color. That's about it. We had a lot of baby stuff from Charlie, Sofie, and Mila, so there isn't a lot we need yet, besides two cribs. (Charlie and Sofie's cribs were recalled several years ago and we had to get Mila's crib out of the house right away as it was one of the most painful sights when I came home from the hospital.) I have a few pictures of my progress in the boy's room, but the cell phone I'm using right now is a dinosaur and takes awful pictures. What you can't really see in the photos below is that the walls used to be a rich orange color and are now a light, airy turquoise. The pocket door between the nursery and the kitchen has been painted with chalkboard paint for baby doodles. The bottom picture also shows the changing table (which still needs a charcoal gray cover to match my decor). It's all coming together and it makes me pretty psyched to welcome our boys home.

orange walls (i loved this color!) 

light and fresh, but still a work in progress.

So, I think that's all I have for now. Waiting to see if everything works out okay is so hard, but I'm trying to imagine it all working out just fine. Our sweet Charlie said to me recently, "Mommy, I KNOW that these babies are not going to die like Mila did." Ughh. I felt like I had been punched in the gut. How did he know exactly what I was thinking? It's what I'm always thinking! What if these babies die? What if just one of them dies? My therapist explained it so well to me the other day. It's like the world is asking Chris and I to get back on the scariest, most horrifying roller coaster we have ever been on. Only this time, we are blind-folded and we don't quite know how the ride ends. We are preparing for the ride of our lives. We are excited and terrified. We believe, however, that we will get off. The ride will come to an end. And there, our babies will be waiting for us.

Thanks again for reading, and for your love and prayers.

Talk to you soon,

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