Friday, January 25, 2013

a new year

I feel so guilty for not updating the blog sooner. I don't have any particular excuse, other than I was just living life . . . my humble, surprising, and blessed life. Let's get right to the good stuff!

Our babies are now at 20 weeks gestation and they are both doing great! Our gestational carrier, Cathy, is doing such an awesome job. I know she doesn't want a lot of recognition for what she is doing, but she is amazing! I couldn't have asked for a more humble, considerate person to carry our babies. She guards our babies with her life and then gives all of the glory to God. What a blessing she is!

We had our 2nd trimester screen today and our little guys are perfect! Yes, we found out back at around 14 weeks that we are having two boys! Take a peek at our newest miracles:

Our future gymnast . . .

This little guy was so photogenic!

Words can't describe how we feel now that we are almost half way through the pregnancy. There's a pretty good chance that things are going to be fine, despite the fact that we are still in total awe that this worked. Honestly, I'm terrified. I've been hurt so deeply by Mila's death that I can't imagine things being this easy, but I look to God and He gives me rest and He gives me peace.

I get anxious and afraid when we have to do really grown up things like write out our will so that these babies, as well as Charlie and Sofie, are cared for if something happened to Chris and I. Or when we have to hand over thousands of dollars at a time, hoping it's not all for nothing. I haven't really wanted to buy any baby clothes, toys, furniture, or gear. But then I felt so great after today's appointment that I picked up a set of little, coordinating sleepers to bring our boys home in. Like I said, we've been burned and traumatized so badly in the past that it's hard to know when to let go and when to hold my breath. I'm kind of just trusting my gut in any given moment. Today my gut told me to get ready.

We are very aware that the next four months or are going to fly by as we enjoy the 2nd half of Charlie and Sofie's kindergarten year, start making room for two more people in our three bedroom, one bathroom rambler, and try to be present in our home, work, and church life. I've been trying to remind myself that the world can't stop for me just because my baby died, I almost died, and now another woman is carrying our new babies. My goal each day is to make sure I breathe, listen to God, see his mercy all around me, and hold my head up towards Him and my baby girl, Mila. It is her life, her presence, that makes this all possible.

While we enjoy our extraordinary situation, some real life things have taken place as well. We spent many months trying to place our dogs, Molly and Wesley, in new homes. After they were placed in foster homes and then adopted, we realized how miserable Charlie had been living with two dogs. His allergy symptoms and asthma have improved by leaps and bounds! My heart aches for our doggies and I still forget some times that they aren't here anymore, but I know that life with four children and two aging dogs would have been more than we could handle. I think we made the right choice for our family.

Most recently, my grandma, Marian Klaseus passed away after being hospitalized with pneumonia and heart failure. She lived a full, ninety three years. I felt a lot of peace at her passing, surprisingly. I think it's because I truly believe that she is now in a better place. She was a loyal, faithful woman. It was time for her to go, and I asked Mila to meet her when she arrived in Heaven. I'm sure she wasn't alone. My sweet Grandma, Charlie and Sofie's Great Grandma Marian, will be missed. Mila's life and death have taught me to believe that we all have a purpose here on earth. For some, it takes only nine months. For others, it takes ninety years. 

Grandma Marian and Charlie at about 2 months old.

I can only promise that the coming weeks are going to be busier than ever. I will try to keep up, but no worries if I don't, ok?

Lastly, many thanks to EVERYONE who has been following our story and sending positive energy, prayers, and support. We are so blessed by all of you!