It's 2012 and the new year has brought a lot of change, a lot of thought, and a lot of peace. January 1st was not your typical, optimistic New Year's Day. It was Mila's 6 month birthday. It was a day spent wishing I was looking forward to a new year with a new baby. It was also a day of hope, however. After all, one would think 2012 is going to be a better year than last. Today, Mila would have been 7 months old.
Happy birthday my sweet baby.
I've been pouring my grief into projects. Either I have no energy, or I am crazy busy filling our home with images, reminders, and mementos of Mila's life, our love for her, and the belief that she is still with us.
She is in me, she is all around me.
Here are some photos of recent projects.
This is a tile I made with Mila's name.
This shelf in our living room has become one of the places I honor Mila. It is full of love and beauty.
I saw this saying on Pinterest (another awesome distraction from my grief) and instantly thought of Mila.
I made my own sign to hang somewhere special.
I am the lucky soul that felt her life for nine amazing months.
Those sweet days will stay with me forever.
Shabby Chalkboard using an old scrap of wood and good, old, chalkboard paint.
I'm not sure what 2012 will bring to our family, but I have a feeling that unexpected gifts, well-deserved miracles, and happy days are on the horizon. I have more peaceful days than sad days it seems. Yes, the sad days are still unbearable, but there are less of them. I still think about Mila all day long, but sometimes I just smile up at the sun and imagine my little girl smiling back. Today Charlie was being loud (big surprise) and I asked him, hypothetically, what he might sound like if we had a little baby at our house and she was taking a nap. Then he whispered to Sofie, "Let's pretend Mila's here and that she's taking a nap." I then confided to Charlie and Sofie, "I pretend she's here all the time." Actually, most of the time I don't have to pretend.
I feel her and hear her gentle reminders that it's all going to be okay.
One more thing . . .
While I was putting some things away in the basement, I came across a bib I received from my Gramma at my baby shower for Mila. I took a picture and thought about the irony and truth this little bib represents.
It says "Star of Mommy's Blog"
For now, Mila is the star of my blog, and in my life.
Her light shines brightly every moment of every day.
Happy 7 month Birthday, Baby!